maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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