Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
