you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
All the doctor said was why
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
