i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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