she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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