I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
