what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
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