Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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