Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
