she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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