I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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