so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
