You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
