he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
