sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
