I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
