He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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