the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
