I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
