my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
