It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
