happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Michael Bay diarrhea
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
