home. puking in laundry basket.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
