I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
