You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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