I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
