i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
