My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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