We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
