after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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