the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
