I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
