What a fucking waste of an outfit
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
