That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
