I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
