in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
