Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
