i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
