I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
This house was built for laser tag.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Randomize
