I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
