I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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