Please, let me fuck your mom
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
