Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
