before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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