ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
