I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
