I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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