So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
