Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
