this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
