This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
