I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
