Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
